I did all I could to help out my friend. Hanging from a tree, from the rope that i'd seen laying on his bed a few days earlier. my brother took his life on 29 april 2022, and i havent stopped cried since then. I know my life is changed and I do wonder when I will find my zest for life again. I began crying and shaking, I could barely eat anything. I didnt really like this guys other friends either, and I said to her that Ill just come knock for her in the morning if I dont turn up.. ( that phone call.. could of changed our lifes if it went differently ). It definitely helps to read posts and know that Im not alone in what Im experiencing. Who knows what was going on in his head but you two were living separate lives. He came into the room shortly after texting everyone and did it. Its not something in their vocabulary. My son COMPLETED SUICIDE. i am failing to move on, and i wonder if ever the wound will heal. How does a parent deal? ( I know that sounds bad but let me explain). I only knew him for 7 months and it is haunting me, so I cant imagine what they must be feeling. I still dont know when or how she took the pills that killed her. If you are thinking of hurting yourself, or even if you just need someone to talk with, please call the National Suicide Helpline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit their website where you can do a live online chat https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/, Dawn September 2, 2022 at 7:14 pm Reply, Chris, when I read what you wrote it was as if Im reading something written by my son. We were so happy. Don, I am so sorry for all you are coping with. And he said unto them, In what place soever ye enter into an house, there abide till ye . I deleted it without opening it and 3 weeks later he hung himself. My 32 year old brother, the youngest of four boys, committed suicide by hanging himself from the inside of the living room door on March 24 (Just 5 days ago). I'm not going to say some bullshit about just giving it time or something, the truth for me is that if I actually allow myself to feel the loss, even today, it brings me to tears almost instantly. It creates a mental confusion, as if my conscious mind can acknowledge the fact that she died, but my subconscious mind is not on the same page, so fresh is the memory of her greeting me after work. My mom and brother held his hands and my dad said he was so sorry and that he loved us. Felt like it was twisting up.. And her face came into my head. You were as good to your friend as you knew how to be. This is my prayer for us all. He was just the best man in the world and know Im 26 without my father. My brother killed himself last night : r/self - reddit I chose to respond in a similar noncommittal way. Im at a lost as to how to find help. Mental illness is a physical illness and mixed with chronic pain caused him great suffering. A-myo-trophic comes from the Greek language. What an incredible story Im so glad you found each other and had 24 years together. I told him that I wished he was a better man, and other stingers I knew would hit his vulnerability. I cant believe so many love onces are feeling the same pain as me ,my husband hanged him self on the 13/12/2018 it been a really bad year for as I was in hospital three times had a hysterectomy,my son had a burst appendix in hospital 8days he nearly died ,Andy my beautiful husband was attempting many times to take his life ,he was ill with addiction and suffered with mental health he had on going court cases for drink ,drug and driving ,I myself couldnt cope so I can understand that Andy couldnt cope with addiction and mental break down we both also lost two good friends to cancer ,I allways been strong for Andy but was tried and lost my strength if I was strong my husband would be here today I miss him so much and i am finding hard to believe he took his life and that I unable to see ,feel and touch him no more why does it hurt so much he had he problems but was the most kind loving person I knew . I am currently going through some of the challenges he had when he was alive. I still cant believe Im never going to see him again. Not just from this, but from the years I lived broken and confused. There were signs but, no, that kind of thing wouldnt really be happening., right? She hadnt seen him since they left her house. Meanwhile, his Spirit/Soul is with you everyday, here on Earth. I feel I want to come together with others and so we can share stories. That her addiction just made worse. I lost my brother to a self inflicted gunshot wound 2 years ago on July 11, 2016. Aibon February 8, 2017 at 11:56 pm Reply, I say my brother took his life bc killed himself feels rude. But I was still quietly disappointed that he seemed unenthusiastic toward me. He just hid it so well. 9/9/2020 12:26 PM PT. Your husband was very lucky to have such a kind wife for so many years. My former fiance took his life 1/2/12 by gunshot on his parents property ( they owned a ranch). For the constant worry for my parents (who divorced around 3 years ago and still havent recovered) For having to scrub her blood off the back of the bathroom door for the look on my dads face as he stares blankly down at his hands, for the nights Ive held my mother has she cries. Hi Joanna. Im heartbroken for all involved. I saw her grieve and help her son through grief counseling, but despite her loss, she loved me with a passion and intensity I have never experienced with anybody else..so I have hope and strength from her that I too will someday get past the crushing grief, body aches, chills, trembling, and lack of energy that I suffer now. I will forever. Not only did I lose her I also lost who would have been my godchild, she was 6 months pregnant at the time. I stumbled on this site and thought I would try reaching out. However, you have gotten stronger every day. I miss them both so terribly. Thankyou, Doug Overall May 27, 2016 at 3:16 pm Reply, Thank you for your posting. I have experienced other deaths in my life, including a parent, but none as heart-and-soul piercing as this one. But I cant. FallenAngel January 10, 2021 at 1:39 am Reply. She used to say that we were born as warriors and warriors dont complain about being warriors and their purpose is to keep fighting. From the moment I saw her, I was stunned.. there was that something about her feeling over took me, And we got on surprisingly well.. Like we was meant to meet? Justin Johnson July 25, 2019 at 11:11 pm Reply. We must stay strong for us and for thier memory. Love to you all who have lost loved ones. I just couldnt believe it. My son passed away on the 16/11/2019 and he killed him self. I gave him my car, cooked meals for him, had money for college. I should be surprised ( but Im not) that Switzerland does not have a grief support group. Shed built an enormous empire all on her own. It shouldnt hurt this bad, I barely knew him. This week has been a very trying time, and Im not sure if I am subconsciously grieving in anticipation of the date, or putting myself in his circumstances at the time, but my heart has felt so, so, heavy. Like, i loss interest in meeting and talking to others even to my family. He was 43. Have these long drawn out jokes that we would be fueled by the other, usually at the expense of some verbally inferior friend. And now I am going through same kind of pain I m depressed I just want to talk to her because we didnt talk for 3 days I was busy with my exams and was not there for her when she needed me I know I am the worst sister anyone could get but I really loved her alot I want to do something for her and want to say sorry to her. I hate this feeling. My brother had been talking of suicide for 4-5 years. Please seek help! Jan. 31, 2020. When we said goodbye, it was always blowing a kiss and saying love you long time, partner. I never had any contact with her on social media or anything, so I just assumed she moved without saying goodbye but. He planned to end his life 3 weeks earlier, telling me how he would do it. Thank you! He had text his dealer the Friday before it happened and never got a reply or phone call back. Only the person who dreams can interpret the dream . I hope things get better. How am I supposed to get over it ? I have joined a local support group (SOBS) and straight away I felt less alone and my mood is always lifted. We were planning to get married and I have known him for 12 years. Why didnt she ask for help!! Just dont make the same mistake. What is it ?! It feels like a big burden. I hope to enrich my childrens lives for as long as I can, and be the big sister that would have made my brother proud. He had so many dreams, to become a professional basketball player, or a vlogger on YouTube. I cant unfeel what I felt, I cant unsee what I saw. My dads side of the family stopped talking to my mom, my brother and I. I never thought this was gonna happen. She smiled, told them she was fine, and they called to tell me they couldnt keep her. He is so dearly missed. The aftermath never goes away. I urged her to not look at it that way. Reading through these posts, I can only feel sympathy for those who have lost children to suicide, and shame for wallowing over my fathers suicide. I break down every time a known customer or former employee walks through the door for the first time since she died, but I pick up and carry on. I see him everywhere i go , i use to love it when he would look at me and smile only now he is not smiling . I am sad knowing that he misses the new songs and movies of our current time, but there is nothing I can to about that, other than to enjoy these worldly things for him. I now know that although I was there for him, I really wasnt. My brother jumped from a roof 6 years ago; he was 32. I wish there was more we could do to help from all the way across the Internet I do believe the National Alliance on Mental Illness has support groups as well as the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Elizabeth Berger May 27, 2019 at 10:59 pm Reply. In grief, feelings of guilt, blame, regret, and rejection can be logical, but they can also defy all logic and reason. He left no note, no kiss goodbye. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Came out to the kitchen and I didnt see him. I hope you have those around you to give you the love and support that you need, even though they might not truly understand all that your grieving, as his mother, entails. Remember god only takes the best!!! I am functioning pretty well now, but of course the pain is still there. She was kind, she helped everyone else before herself. How to ask a girl out. I listen, let her cry & hold her. Then I had to tell my mother. I keep telling myself my wife can remarry and do well financially and my five kids will have each other to lean on. On the day after Christmas in 1996, my brother, Michael, called to say that our father had tried to kill himself. This is not to say that we will not struggle with a suicide death and try to make sense of it. Becca September 20, 2019 at 1:48 am Reply, Hey Claudia, I wanted to respond to your post because my little brother died by suicide on 8/25/19. Ive walked the floors every night since April because I cant sleep. But I truly thought things were getting better as he got older. I attend once per month. Her death ripped me apart. Perceived rejection and thoughts of worthlessness. That's 84 men a week. On April 8th the love of my life took her life almost right in front of me. His death feels like a statement, the final I Dont Care in a long string of I dont cares. I believe in the eternal nature of our souls and I know his spirit lives on. You are not responsible, no matter how much his family makes you feel as though you are. But I miss him terribly, I will forever. Having suicidal thoughts is common. If you are seriously thinking of hurting yourself, or even if you just need someone to talk with, please call the National Suicide Helpline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit their website where you can do a live online chat https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/, someone November 2, 2020 at 11:08 am Reply, John, I know it might be too late but dont please I know how you feel but trust me pls dont, think about how your family is going to feel, Im 13 and I know you might not take my words seriously but theres a lot to live for so please dont do it if your seeing this. My boss and mentor killed himself last week. I just had a dream about my brother killing himself in the - Quora "I guess my brother just killed my mom," she said. Theres a lot of skeletons in the closet there.. and he wasnt a very good person but I idolized him as a kid and since his passing Ive struggled really hard with it. My husband is ill with MS and I have been looking after him for 18 years. Since that traumatic experience I have suffered from anxiety and depression. Adapted from I. Bolton & C. Mitchell. Please do your best to save yourself so that your kids will have the balance and love that only you can provide. He gave his heart to God, though, walls and all. Please know that, no matter what, you are not alone. I cant stop thinking about it. I dont even think we ever had a personal conversation before. (Photo by Jeff Hahne/Getty Images for Spotify) DaBaby's father was killed shortly after the release of his first LP, Baby on Baby, nearly six months earlier. It is surreal. I slapped her and she slapped me back.She walked off and changed her cloths, it was pouring rain and she had been outside and got wet. If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence. Alot is hazy after this because you must understand when you see the love of your life, your soulmate, your person place a pistol to the side of her head and look right in your eyes and say Im sorry. I never knew what pain meant until I lost my brother. Let me tell you the first week was unreal. Almost exactly 1 year ago , August 2nd,2017 he committed suicide. The following are just a few potential reasons why isolation, stigma, and shame may emerge following a suicide death: American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, SAVE: Suicideawareness voices of education. i screamed his name and ran towards him . Lost, devastated and hurting. - Sibling Survivors mistersinister has killed himself and you are his brother and you are now angry at this forum because you think it made him . I cant seem to allow the good memories to outshine the bad ones. the Rx worked great for his prostate BUT my happy laid back 66 year old surfer (who ran circles around many of his younger friends) started having panic attacks, anxiety and depression. Im expecting this to affect our property and the people here in unexpected ways over the next days, weeks, etc. You have my deepest sympathies. I truly love you with everything in me , Joshua Brumett April 24, 2021 at 11:06 pm Reply. His final and conclusive solution to all of his lifes problems. Benjamin Martin August 3, 2021 at 3:11 pm Reply. The worst thing of all he text his sister said I love you to try to get ahold of them right away but he already pulled the trigger luckily it was a GPS tag on it and she found him on the ditch bank leaning against the tree and I was only a few minutes behind definitely not a scene that you want your other child to see. After all these years, my fathers death still affects me. Or its pointless, and hell be right. That was so brave. couldnt even help him fight his demons. Just me and the bearded dragon left behind in the kids room next door and the stray cat on the lawn that my neighbor used to feed. I was in such disbelief, I could barely walk or eat. Please know that people care about you and that your wife has no right to destroy you. I worry and wonder what my later life will look like, as now I am terrified of one day facing the same demise. I hoped that one day hed find happiness and security in himself, so one day he couldve learned and been secure in the right girl, the right way. But I will be moving forward on my own. IsabelleS September 25, 2020 at 11:53 am Reply. I wish you and your family peace during this time. If you overcome this on your own, you will become so strong in life. I know God has always been there for me and gotten me through a lot but Im to the point of questioning everything. I tell myself I know theyll hate me, but that hate is necessary to get through. I lost one of my best friends and longest friendship this last August. At times , I feel like I have no purpose to go further into life with all this pain I have to endure every single day. This is normal and valid, but I want you to know: Your boyfriends death was not your fault. Because you never know what day may be their last, or what may be their making or breaking point. How do I get through this? His laziness, and apathy, he didnt get along with my girlfriend/ wife/mother of my kids for years. Devastating not only to us, and the others who witnessed it. So you have to be strong, to get of this situation by yourself to make them realize yiu dont need them ! I respect everyones right if they prefer not to use the word commited , but that is a word I do choose to refer to how my son ended his life. We know hes at peace and not hurting anymore. Even my remaining living siblings have not suffered as much as me, as he and I were the closest, and they stopped having pity on his addiction issues many years ago. to keep pushing me along. Neither of them have jobs. She didnt keep but one of them, and the one she kept she sent and it was very painful. Really kinda both their fault. And most minutes of the day, I dont want to. I cant see myself ever moving on as it feels Im frozen in that moment finding him and looking for signs of life. I cant even put into words how i feel about it. It can happen ti anyone. Childhood lasts a lifetime. I think about him every day. My son took his life. My Mom had been with my Dad for 32 years, and built her entire life around him. He felt so much pain, pain that I've endured. He was hysterical, and called fir help. After some time to process my feelings, without the help of my family, which has disintegrated even more since this tragedy. He knew you would drop everything and chose not to reach out. Truth is I never could have changed the out come. Trying to stand but my mom wouldnt let him. There was an email from a woman and one back to her, they were sex related. I cant tell you what this has done to my life for almost 20 years. I am so sorry for your loss. There is no excuse not to in this day. i received the last message, i was the last to hear his voice and the last person he said i love you. We know that you are out there: We see you and we hear you. Itll be a full day of travel and probably the longest, hardest flight of my life. Nothing has been the same since, we text the night before and I noticed he seemed off, but rather than say anything or question it, I went to bed. It never gets better but it does get easier with time. And neither should you. I would like to have my closest people to understand my leaving.