, Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop! The Answer: A Baptist preacher and a College football coach. Carpenter During Sweeps 1984. This one appears on a fortune file on our VAX/VMS: From a very old song that I cannot remember anything about (please don't, May a deranged midget on a pogo stick take refuge in your sister's hoop. A: A nine foot base with two feet of powder. Q: What do you call an outhouse built on quicksand? The Phantom of the Opera, The Lion King, and Donald Trumps mouth. Ed: Welcome, welcome, a thousand welcomes. "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes. A: 13 Queens Boulevard. Unable to come to an agreement over alimony, God intervenes to help Adam and Eve divvy up their marital belongings. A: The ZIP Code. proctologist. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. A: Burn the candle at both ends. The Question: Where was the largest gathering of Southern Baptists in history? Name, in reverse order, a droll comedian, the first name of a popcorn purveyor and a fat, self-absorbed, obnoxious loser!" . Sometimes Clarnac has to leave quickly. A: The American condor, the American eagle and the American The Answer: An I-Phone, a cable bill, and a BMW lease. One of Johnny's best-loved characters was Carnac the Magnificent. Organized in groups of 10. NO ONE [at this shout, Carnac always acts startled] knows the contents of these envelopes but you, in your mystical and borderline divine way, will ascertain the answers having never before heard the questions. Q: What do you see in the next car at a drive-in movie? The Answer: Confused, weak, feeble, and uncertain. The Tonight Show: four-digit numbers (ostensibly the last four digits of an audience member's phone number).Carson Carnac the Magnificent: Carson plays a psychic . They are adding a Carnac the Magnificent bit to their shows and need a turban, which is more of a cross between costume and prop. Only Johnny Carson could make the commercialization of Shakespeare funny. , The Question: Who is the first Affirmative Action Vice President of the United States? Baseball-Reference.com Win Probability - New York Yankees vs. Boston Red Sox, May 30 1961 t1 b1 t2 b2 t3 b3 t4 b4 t5 b5 t6 b6 t7 b7 t8 b8 t9 b9 BOS 50% NYY. A: Rocky, Network and The Silver Streak. , What do diapers and politicians have in common? Tell a friend Ask a question. -- -------------------------------------------------------------"they forcibly extracted the word 'but' from his vocabulary, and locked him in a room with 10 economists"-------------------------------------------------------------. 596 views, 2 upvotes, 1 comment. toilet is stopped up? Zippo? Q: Name the only two people who aren't sick of hearing CARNAC: May a crazed Arab repairman board up your [+6] - George - 11/14/2011 Answer: A goober, a cruller, and OmSigDavid. [9], File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H? ", "Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.". A: Fit to be tied. Clarnac: I hope it has instructions to get out of here. . , The Question: What do you call pedestrians trying to cross I-220? A: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign The Answer: They found no brain activity. Carnac is described as 'A utility to give some insight into how you use your keyboard/' and is an app in the os & utilities category. Scope and Content Script (Annotated "Ray") Box 4, Folder 44. on a country? ", Conan O'Brien's Forehead Takes Over for Jay Leno's Chin. Actually, I have to admit reading it in the book "Superman: Last Son ofKrypton" (which is [very] loosely based on the movie) in which Lex Luthor(responding to the question "You told me your second favorite pastime.What's first?") Ed: (Ed points to the nearest exit and hands Clarnac the first envelop and says) Envelop number 1. Q: Describe a stoned bowling team. (Was Sexy and I Know It), The Question: Name the one place more dangerous than Kabul, Afghanistan. May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. these envelopes, The longest laugh ever recorded was given to "Sis Boom Bah," which was the answer to "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes" and resulted in both Carson and McMahon breaking character to laugh as well. Clarnac: If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. "Opens envelope for question: "Name two hockey players and a hockeypuck. "Johnny: "It was so cold, the politicians had their hands in their ownpockets. 99 $28.11 $28.11. Q: What comes after Timbuk-one? Q: How long does a United States Congressman serve? The Question: How much did Clarnac lose on his 30 day diet? I used a couple of small binder clips to make it snugger so it would not fall off. Youre the straight man. Q: What would you find in Superman's bathroom? I remember two of his classic curses: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits! and May a diseased yak drop dead on your front lawn!. Carson Caucas 1984. [Ed Ames has thrown a tomahawk across the stage, hitting a painting of a cowboy straight in the "crotch". 2006 | CC. The perfect Carnac The Magnificent Johnny Carson The Tonight Show Animated GIF for your conversation. One of those that I remember was "May a diseased yak marry your sister!" "May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup." Carnac the Magnificent: [Holding the envelope to his head] Shogun. The curses were basically middle eastern curses and would not be considered politically correct today. The Question: Name an elephant, a donkey, and a Rino. May you be blessed with a son so smart he learns the mourner's prayerbefore his Bar-Mitzvah speech. A: SAG Strike. If one of Carnacs jokes (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience. Shriver. A: Bedbug. Q: Name a lord, an award and a fraud. Although he retired in 1992 and died in 2005, the consensus remains that Johnny Carson was the greatest late night-talk show ever. sister's hope chest. A: Touch and Go. Pat McCormickwrote some of the zaniest Carnac material. seats. A: E.S.T., P.M. and B.M. Q: Who's the new traffic advisor to Los Angeles? Q: Name a Kristofferson. A: Eleven. The announcement implied Carnac was responsible for some scandal or disaster currently in the news, as "And now, the great seer, soothsayer, and sage, Carnac the Magnificent." A: Timbuktoo. Q: What is it that Ronald Reagan keeps trying to hide? Q. Q: Name a fawn, a lawn and a yawn. Carson 500's, The 1985. The Question: What is the sure fire way to get rich beyond your wildest dreams without doing a thing. Imgflip Pro Basic removes all ads. resuscitation with a sick lizard. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. A: Dustin Hoffman. Story. Q: What does it say on the side of Phyllis Diller's dress? , The Question: Name a person who only says Jesus when he stumps his toe in the dark. "You Light Up My Life.". As Carnac, Carson wore a large feathered turban and a cape. A: "Sorry bub, no pub." The Question: Name five things Dolly Partin has. Q: What kind of holly would you find growing on your buddy? Q: Who ruined that darn rug? Get Image May your prize bull hate cows. May your enemies get cramps in their legs as they dance on your grave. My favorite Carnac(sp?) QUESTION: Name a clock, a jock and a crock. plunger. One of his characters, "Carnac the Magnificent," drew on his early entertainment work as a magician in Nebraska. A: Buddy Holly. 42 results for "carnac hat" RESULTS. The Question: How did the dinosaurs become extinct? , The Question: Who is the longest surviving member of the Japanese Air Force? Show"? this year? . ft. coverage regular price $109.95 Calendar & Tip Sheet January Calendar January Tipsheet Marty's Acre Drinks on the Acre February 13 - 5:30 PM The 2nd Monday of every month we invite you to join us on location at Marty's Acre to talk gardening and enjoy a selection of brew chosen by Marty. I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. shorts. The Question: Why do they lock gas station restrooms? A: Roman Gabriel, Lance Ramsell and Howrd Cosell "Carnac" would hold the sealed envelope to his forehead, mystically divine the answer, announce it to the audience, then tear open the envelope and read the question. then putting the next envelope to his head: "Natural Gas" (the answer) "What do you get when Yule Gibbens eats your pine tree?" Q: How do you say "Good morning" to your diddly A: "Coming home." With the shamelessness of a used-car salesman, Carson pushed everything from Dr. Pepper to hemorrhoid cream with a Shakespearian twist. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. Q: What's the only thing President Carter didn't promise Is that about right, sir? I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. QUESTION: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? In article <12@gitpyr.UUCP> gra@gitpyr.UUCP (Mark W Fouraker) writes: Paddy Chayevsky's "The Tenth Man" contains several curses on daughters-in-law. Q: What do you call a sadistic tailor? Johnny Carson fans: Do you have a favorite "Carnac The Magnificent" joke? May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. ", "May the fairy god-camel leave a lump on your pillow! Q: Name one guy who's rich after April 15th. May the bluebird of happiness twiddle your bits. A: At both ends. CARNAC: May a weird holy man use a Black and Decker tool on , The Question: Name a person sentenced to 14 years in a federal penitentiary for being a politician. The book is {\it May You! Although Bilaams curses were many, all of the other curses - save the one for Houses of Prayer and Study - eventually came to pass. , The Question: What is the most compelling reason for a mask mandate? "A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G.Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H?A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo.Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be?A: Zippo Marx.Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your Zippo?A: Touchback.Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches you?A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo.Q: What do you call a military coup led by General Kitchy Kitchy?A: Big Ben, Joe Namath and a candidate's campaign promises.Q: What is a clock, a jock and a crock.Answer: Sis Boom BahQuestion: What sound does a sheep make when it explodes?Name what offence someone should automatically get the death sentence:Johnny: Whoever told squirrels they were good at crossing the road!Ed: Yassir ArafatJohnny: Yassir Arafat(envelope opening)Johnny: What's the sound made when Dolly Parton removes her bra?Johnny: "It was so cold outside"Audience: "How cold was it? If a joke (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience (such as "May your favorite daughter be featured in NFL Films' Sack of the Week", "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your jacuzzi", "May you walk a mile under a diseased camel", "May a demented deer lock horns with your daughter's Kawasaki", "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person seated next to me, and may his arms be too short to scratch", "May a diseased camel be sick on your prayer rug", or "May your proctologist be a frustrated concert trombonist"). CARNAC: May your only son become a Pointer Sister. Carnac the Magnificent was one of the most popular recurring roles that Johnny Carson played on his show in 1964. After reading the answer, scroll down for the punch line and laughter. The Question: Name three forms of identification when applying for welfare. Find Funny GIFs, Cute GIFs, Reaction GIFs and more. Q: What do you call a guy who streaks Minneapolis and St. A: Lorne Green. Line: 24 bathroom? May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bed pan. Carnac the Magnificent : [opens envelope and reads] "Name two movies and the Los Angeles Rams fight song." Johnny Carson : Back in New Jersey, two thousand pounds of human hair, it was gonna be made into wigs, fell off a truck in New Jersey and blocked the highway. the Denver Nuggets. Q: What are the only things that can move on Sundays? Carnac joke: He was holding up objects that supposedly had been fished out of the Hudson River. violence? Q: How does Howard Cosell call his toupee? A: The diamond lane. Adam and Eve had more problems than that forbidden apple. Get a random spoof news story. Here are a few of his curses: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your sister.